Simmer down PA

 

Arlen, retire or do something better with your time.  After your top notch work getting to the “truth” on the Warren Commision, I would think you would give up on investigations.  Stop your bitching and do something that actually benefits our country.  And Joey, shutup.  You are a loud mouth, you will always be a loud mouth, and no one wants to hear it.

My Sorrows are buried…

Hey dudes.

So the Ranch has been a bit stale due to the unfortunate happenings on 2/3/08. I started reading about sports 2 days ago. This has been the biggest lull of my life. Now, this doesn’t mean I haven’t continued to dominate watching sports on the television or any live action I can get to. It was the reading, the analysis that shook me; everytime I was sent an article from SI or espn, I almost cringed in disgust. Whats the sports guy writing about, how does he trudge on? Well, after several Helmet and Tubesteak thwarts….I hearby announce the Ranch open again!

Whats more decent than C’s playoff basketball in Downtown Boston? Me, on the toilet, pre or post bj, watching Bledsoe throw that tearjerking loft pass to David Patten in the back corner of the end zone en route to another Pats AFC championship.?—-but we’ll leave that for another posting.

Decents. C’s. For that matter – B’s. Great run for the B’s. Inspiring hockey. HOCKEY! HOCKEY! HOCKEY! That’s a chant for decents only. Anyone that doesn’t eat ice cream at a contest. Even Methia.

On to the currents. C’s. I think Rondo could wrap those arms around a fine lady several times. Sam I am was looking tough, even from 3 range in game 1. Lebron and Delonte should challenge Denver to a standoff. I am not the one – who can tell you – who will win. Just think of what happened when Joe Johnson challenged Denvah to a standoff last Sunday – The gritty hawk stood no chance. No Chaance:

 

 

You guys are cooo.

F them Cavs. So I was talking over some Celts strategies with a buddy from work and he came up with a great theory. Sit Pierce to start the game. Posey gets on the King. Then Doc lays the Truth down with a giant spark of the bench. Manu style. No?

On to more decency, as some of you know, Joh and I have been crushing pushups during C’s games this year. 1 pushup for every point the Green score. We are jacked, fists pumping. I suggest all of the community and ranch members, continue our trend and work your bi’s, tri’s, and man chests. Doing less than 100 pushups is unacceptable.

Go C’s and go Championship Ranch.

-muff

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

calling out the ranch

what’s up with the ranch!?!? the c’s are freaking sick and should be dominating the ranch!  time to get over the p-men’s loss!  i know the irateness doesn’t fade, but turn it into decent irateness.  for example, just the other night some fuck head giant fan came into a pizza place and started yelling “GIANTs, GIANTS, GIANTS.”  i didn’t think that would bother me, but it did.  i found myself yelling back at him “HAVE FUN JERKING OFF TONIGHT BUDDY!” we’re all still irate, but god damn.  the c’s!  the sox were revolting, but nothing from the ranch!  c’mon ranch!

One Week to Spring Training

I am not going to downplay the utter disapointment about what happened last weekend.  However, as is the case with any major travesty, I am trying to get through the various phases of the grief: shock and disbelief, anger, dispair.  Now, I am ready for the final stage: reoganization. 

Gentlemen, we are one week away from spring training.  Its time to buck up, baseball is almost here, and this guy pitches for us.

Sleep on this

Michael Strahan really knows how to prepare for a big game.  He says on the Saturday before Super Bowl 42, “if we go to bed like we’ve been going to bed, if we just go to bed like we’ve been doin, we’ll play good.” New England has been reeling from these comments.  Apparantly Robert Kraft and Bill Bellechek have been trying to figure out how they are going to go to bed. Kraft did mention, “money never sleeps. And since we’re not bitches like the giants, we don’t say stupid shit like Strahan does.”

Every Kiss Begins with Kraft

Kay, Jared, and Hanoush are all excellent jewelers.  Every year that New England wins a Championship, Robert Kraft charges each of these three jewelers to a contest.  The winner takes home the business.

There are three phases to the contest.  Shotgunning beers is the first phase and the first jeweler to crush 14 bud heavies wins. Then the jewelers have to play with a midget’s balls. The first jeweler to make a perfect erection wins.  Last the jewelers take diamonds and cut drawings into glass with their diamonds. Typically Kraft makes the jewlers draw something cool – past pictures have included a Continental soldier and a bayonette as well as a Porpoise.

Hanoush has won the contest once and Jared won twice.  Stay tuned to see what Jeweler won the rights to adorn this years perfect New England Patriots with their rings.

A Pep Talk from Mel

Fight and you may die.  Leave and you may live…for a while.  And many years from now, while lying in your death beds, would you trade this moment for one chance to tell our enemies, you can take our wives.  You can plow them while I watch.  I can play with myself a little bit.  And you can defile them repeatedly, but you can never take our freedom.

A Poor, Pitiful Loser

Well done, Specter, you douche-bag.  Maybe you, A-Rod and Boras should all get together and figure out other ways to try and get some attention in the media in the most distasteful, self-promoting way.  Can you please just appreciate New England sports dominance and stop your bitching?

http://www.ogpaper.com/news/news-01654.html

Respectable SB Picks

    

 What do Barry Williams, Omar Epps, Karch Kiraly, Adam West, Bob Weir, Jack Nicklaus, Carl Weathers, and Elisabeth Shue have in common?

They’re all picking the Pats in the Super Bowl, THAT’S WHAT!

I think Carl Weathers said it best: “It’s impossible not to go with New England. Congratulations to New York, but they won’t win this Super Bowl.”

Just to recap — when The Golden Bear, Bob Weir, Ali with an I, Willie Mays Hayes, Batman, Greg Brady, Apollo Creed, and Mr. Volleyball all pick the Pats to win, I think it’s safe to say the Pats will win.

Among those who are picking the Giants: Bill O’Reilly, Dolph Lundgren, Pat Robertson, Mark Cuban and Serena Williams. ‘Nuff said…

 *Source: Scripps Howard News Service

Preparation